How Reflective Leaders Can Transform Teams

“All relationships are a dance. We each play a role, which means, in order to shift a dynamic, we all need to own our part.” - Esther Perel

The vast majority of our brain activity is unconscious. This means that most of what drives our decisions, reactions, and relationships happens beneath the surface of awareness. In performance and leadership alike, this unseen terrain often determines success more than any strategy or skill set.

Leaders like to think they make rational, data-driven choices. Yet what we call “reason” is often shaped by emotional memory, attachment style, and predominant defense mechanisms. For example, a leader who micromanages might believe they’re being thorough, but beneath that behavior may lie an unconscious fear of losing control. Another might avoid conflict, convincing themselves they’re being diplomatic, when in reality they’re reenacting a longstanding relational pattern.

Most people are strangers to themselves. Becoming a more reflective leader means being willing to look at yourself honestly and examine how you show up in the world and in your work on a daily basis. It requires cultivating greater self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and authenticity. Reflective leadership refers to the practice of turning one’s attention inward to understand how unconscious motives and emotional histories shape one’s way of being.

No relationship is ever a new relationship; all relationships are influenced by those that came before. This concept – commonly referred to as transference in psychology – describes the projection of unresolved thoughts, feelings, and behaviors from past experiences onto current relationships or situations. In leadership, this may look like a CEO with unresolved negative feelings toward his mother unconsciously reacting to women in his organization in hostile or demeaning ways.

To be an effective, authentic leader who can inspire others to be trustworthy, honest, reliable, and consistent, one must be willing to reflect, identify, and be truthful about how past experiences continue to define one’s character and actions. Modeling self-reflection, owning mistakes, and communicating honestly at the leadership level create an impetus for teams to do the same. This represents an essential strategy for leaders seeking to get the best from their teams: by focusing on becoming better humans in order to become better performers.

Effective teams cultivate positive working environments conducive to motivation and retention. Common characteristics of such organizations include a focus on self-awareness and personal development, clear and constructive feedback, interpersonal respect, transparency, and trust. It is the responsibility of leaders to look both inward and outward – to examine themselves honestly and understand the impact they have on their teams.

Matters of trust and vulnerability are often difficult for executives, which can make it hard to foster an environment marked by transparency and honest communication. Leaders are often aware of these internal struggles yet resist looking within to understand what truly drives them. While it can be tempting to blame others for difficulties, it’s important to remember that we can only ever truly change ourselves. Change begins within.

Reflective leaders have the courage to confront themselves and take responsibility for their own patterns. That willingness is the foundation for facilitating genuine transformation, both personally and organizationally.