Looking Beyond Success and Failure 

"If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster, and treat those two impostors just the same…" — Rudyard Kipling 

This quote from Rudyard Kipling’s poem If is famously inscribed on the wall of the entrance to Centre Court at Wimbledon—a quiet but powerful reminder to every athlete who walks onto that stage. The lines emphasize the importance of maintaining a balanced perspective on both success and failure, and not allowing either to entirely define one’s sense of self. 

Both success and failure can be emotional storms—especially when your self-worth depends on the outcome. Whether you are an athlete, coach, entrepreneur, or executive, you will inevitably be confronted at some point with the need to examine your personal contributions to both your victories and your setbacks. 

We rarely acknowledge that both extremes—triumph and defeat—can challenge emotional and mental stability in equal measure. When we win, we’re often seduced by the illusion of permanence and invincibility. When we lose, we may spiral into excessive shame, doubt, or self-criticism. In either case, we risk becoming reactive rather than reflective. The real question is not simply what happened—but who do you become in response to what happened? 

How you respond to pain, loss, and disappointment matters. Do you blame others, complain about bad luck, or resign yourself to your circumstance? Do you analyze your loss and attempt to move forward - to make use of painful experiences and aim to transcend yourself? 

While we tend to analyze our losses more so than our wins, gaining an understanding of how we handle success is just as significant. Do you chase high after high, feeling insatiable no matter what you achieve? Do you fall apart after a big win, unsure of who you are without a goal to chase? Or do you struggle to remain committed and disciplined once the external reward is gone? 

True resilience lies not only in recovering from defeat, but in staying grounded and authentic in the face of success. It’s the capacity to remain anchored in your values, regardless of the praise or criticism you receive from the world around you. Success and failure are inevitable parts of a high performer’s path—but they are not life itself. Neither triumph nor disaster need to define you—unless you allow them to. 

Doing the inner work is essential for developing a more integrated and sustainable relationship to success and failure. Building self-awareness and a solid understanding of your character, values, meaning and purpose allows you to move through the highs and lows of achievement without losing yourself in the process. 

Both failure and success are temporary. But how you respond to either can shape everything that follows. The more honest you’re willing to be with yourself and others, the better equipped you’ll be to make decisions from a place of clarity and resilience.

Whether through therapy, coaching, or intentional self-reflection, the work of deepening your relationship to success and failure is ultimately the work of deepening your relationship with yourself.