Why High Performers Resist Deep Inner Work — And Why That Resistance Is Holding Them Back

You’ve done everything right. You train hard, prepare meticulously. And yet…when the stakes are highest, something happens. Somehow, the performance isn’t there when it matters the most. 

You wonder what goes wrong. Why you hesitate or second-guess yourself under pressure, after you’ve done all the work and know you’re prepared. You wonder why you seem to make the same mistakes over and over again, even though you know better. 

You might be an athlete and have been performing your best in training, but during competitions you’re emotionally elsewhere - worried about disappointing someone watching, replaying a past mistake, or unconsciously reacting to dynamics that have nothing to do with the game but everything to do with your personal story. 

Or maybe you’re a high-level executive, and no matter how well you prepare, something within you freezes during the pitch that could land the deal - and you walk away wondering, what just happened? 

You look for the problem in your game or your strategy - yet, maybe it’s not because you lack skill or preparation - but because something deeper is running the show during the moments that “make it or break it.” Something within you. Unresolved emotions, unconscious beliefs and patterns that seem to sabotage true success. 

And you might not even realize it. 

In my work with high-performers, specifically elite athletes, I’ve found that many resist doing deep emotional work - therapy, introspection, insight - for a similar reason: 

“If I go there, I’ll fall apart.” 

They often share a belief that becoming more in touch with their emotional world is dangerous. They fear that their performance will suffer if they slow down, feel too much, or examine the past. So instead, they continue to push, compartmentalize, and avoid. 

Yet, this avoidance may be exactly what is hindering them from reaching their greatest potential. Even though they have gained “tools,” have visualized their performances perfectly time and time again - during moments of pressure, it seems as though they never learned any of it. 

Our emotional world and unconscious beliefs are powerful. They can “override” our intellectual or physical capacities when it matters. Becoming more conscious of our innermost thoughts and feelings may make us feel as though we are “falling apart” - yet, only temporarily, because we are entering uncharted territory. In the end, doing the inner work actually gives us greater control over our actions, as we can become more aware and intentional in our behaviors and decisions. As Carl Jung famously said: 

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." 

In working to confront their deepest fears, my therapy and coaching clients gradually become more acquainted, and therefore comfortable, with their “shadow” - which Jung essentially defined as those aspects of the personality that we choose to repress (1951). We reject the behaviors, feelings and thoughts that we find dangerous - yet, they don’t disappear, but continue to impact us in ways that we are not aware of. 

While it may feel destabilizing temporarily to get to know those parts of yourself that may feel dangerous - in the long run, getting to know yourself more deeply helps you become more stable, grounded, and honest with yourself and others. It allows you to become more aware of when and how you may self-sabotage, why you may actually fear success - even if, on the surface, you believe you want nothing more than to win. 

References: 

Jung, C. G. (1951). Aion: Researches into the Phenomenology of the Self.